time moves slowly and then it doesn’t

In a few short months, I will end my studies at the University of North Texas and graduate with a degree that has a really long name.

I feel excited and nervous and terrified all at once. Somedays I am woefully nostalgic and other days I am a bundle of excited nerves.

I am not sure what I will do after I graduate, but I do know it will not be in Denton, Texas. I am forever grateful for college and this sleepy town. I experienced so many things that I never thought I would, I met so many people and had my heart filled and then promptly broken. My last year here was not good but I was able to fix that and will leave Denton with hopefully a good taste in my mouth and nothing but warm feelings.

Growing up I was a nervous sheltered child and at the core of my being that is still who I am. In college, I learned to be more, say more, and do more. I gained and I lost, and that is life.

Deep down I am still that eighteen year old girl in her childhood bedroom listening to Al Green and packing my books away. I am still that nineteen year old who thought she could never love again. I am still that twenty year old who fought long battles and came out with a few scars and a couple of good stories. I am that twenty one year old, laughing and loving everyone and discovering her love of whiskey.

And now I am that twenty two year old with no idea what her future looks like but has come to terms with that.

I cannot say that college was the best years of my life because I hope to God that I live a good enough life to where I don’t say shit like that or constantly try to relieve my glory years.

These years were glorious but I hope the years that follow it are even better, especially with all that I have learned and will continue to learn.

My advice for incoming college students?

  • Boys (or girls) are fun but don’t let them ruin your college experience. I’ve seen this happen to too many people and almost let it happen to me.
  • For the love of God, do not stress that final so hard that you resort to taking adderall and other nonsense like that.
  • Call home.
  • Drink water before you go out and after a long night out. (This saved my life a few times.)
  • Hang out with people that don’t mind taking care of you if you drink too much.
  • Don’t ever go to a party alone.
  • Small loads of laundry throughout the week.
  • Don’t be the reason the dining hall starts closing early. (That’s a story for another day.)
  • Annnnd, take lots of pictures of yourself and your friends. You’re going to love looking back at them one day.
  • Time moves slowly and then all at once. (I’ll let you figure out the meaning of this one.)



on daydreams (a movie review of sorts)


La La Land, director Damien Chazelle (2016)

I watched La La Land a few weeks ago and again last Saturday and I have not been able to get it out of my head.

The gorgeous music, Emma Stone’s to die for wardrobe and the recklessness involved with falling for a moody musician.

Although the story has been told before, in many different ways that is not what drew me to this film.

As a kid, I worshiped the movies of Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn and have harbored a lifelong crush on Gregory Peck which has yet to die out.

I loved the one liners, the leading men with their husky voices and attitude and the plots that only someone who spent all the day dreaming about would come up with.

Of course, real life is more complicated and not as simple as that, thank God.

But, I am not here to talk about my love for old movies, I am here to talk about day dreaming and why La La Land is a movie for daydreamers.

As a certified neurotic all I do is daydream and fantasize.

Some of my choice favorites and recurring ones being: the perfectly executed one liners, the dance sequences and the music playing as I walk, choreographed dance numbers and interviews with Oprah, the floating in a cloud, the waltzing through the stars and going to the opera.

I dream and dream and dream.

This isn’t to say that I have had a rough life, it is to say that I have always had an overactive imagination.

It was beautiful to see this story told so wonderfully, and an important part of this movie that I loved so much was the ending. The heart wrenching ending where the beautiful girl does not get the beautiful boy and they both move on with their lives.

And I loved to see the whole fantasy of wondering what could have been! A life in Paris, a child, a night out away from said child.

In the end, there is not a story book reconciliation, and the heroine does not drive off in a Vespa with the boy of her dreams.

As I often say to myself, life is not Amélie, Rubab. Or my favorite line from the movie which I often repeat to myself as well, “It’s called a reality check. The last thing Amélie (or Rubab) wants.”

But in this movie, there was none of that but still a happy ending for the daydreamers.

In short, I cried an embarrassing amount and I implore you to look past the conversation around this movie and simply enjoy it for what it is, an escapist movie with good music and gorgeous cinematography.

“I need to write. It keeps me focused for long enough to complete thoughts. To let each train of thought run to its conclusion and let a new one begin. It keeps me thinking. I’m afraid that if I stop writing I’ll stop thinking and start feeling.”

Carrie Fisher, The Princess Diarist